spewing forth all forms

last night, settled chest

i cup my hand and catch your insight

we walk together

a little hits the floor

before

you go your way

and i go mine

i’ll pull your hair back

let me clean up first

i wouldn’t have done that for just anyone

it’s no use telling you that

its expected

let’s have breakfast

wait, i have something to say

satellites stopping the moment of rest i can’t hear your pulses or reflect on your ‘best’ image and situation painted for me it’s california nuts and the bird in a tree singing the anthem of everywhere she’s been carrying twigs of village and city the pity of knowing it can get so gritty with something in my mind

i can’t share my intention while i listen for forgotten goals in every situation fluttering through masking the blue of deserted wonder and work away glue i want you to know in this place we are ok. i won’t wish away the sanity we can gather around if we all drowned

she shudders in the shower

water washing wasted emotions down the drain

joining everyone else’s bodily throwaways

discards of what we don’t need

on her knees

less space to travel

it’s me who sent you to this place of unraveled threads a shredded out shoelace traveling further down until they’re left to decorate the deterioration of something we could have found before vanishing

i didn’t know my impact

i’m sorry

i didn’t realize you looked to me for direction

i was doing the same

i, i, i and more fucking ‘i’s’

i can’t stop this internal itch to investigate every situation…do you think of me?

is there an i to your we

do we stand a chance

perhaps you, you, you and more time taking ‘you’s’ are getting in the way with your shit baggage i know you showed up with shuffling through the door the sounds of buckles and zippers scraping the floor indelible marks those treasured trash bags of your history came in with you

and you left them there

half inside

which is half outside

it was partly cloudy

and we were unable to close the door

you flopped on the couch

i was suppose to make breakfast

you, what were you going to do again?

make what?

you almost got me

you almost

wait

i almost let you in again

knock knock

go away

i used to sing to her

late at night

she never knew

it was soft

not like me now

led away by the lure of laughs that carry down halls

conversations through bathroom stalls pretending there weren’t the walls to trap sounds of sniffing in silence to let go of violence a cast of caring hoping to make it through the day

i met you that way stunning in sunflicked styles eyes dialed back with youthful trials

walking closer

without chancing it

i will lose you soon enough

my lullabies

sat alone

feeding off a single tone

my regret

and inability to stay stable long enough for you to open your eyes

perhaps you were protecting your senses listening long enough to understand the pretenses that pass through tempted words even when shifted by a melody i stole from you

it wasn’t my song

i’m not that clever

sorting it out

we left the situation earlier than necessary yet no one was defining what that should look like as we collapsed in our own devices, it made more sense for the mellowdramatic equation to be left wandering through nightingale songs while dodo birds laugh at our attempt to be funny

i was finally left alone

i saw her again

standing leg up in front of a neon lit brick building

pounding a cigarette into her chest

less oxygen than tar filling her lungs spitting plumes of smoke into unqualified air

i stopped

she began at my shoes and stopped at my chest

i fell into her forehead before sliding in the door for my nightly pour of ‘god damn you’ and ‘what for?’

she walked in

more anger than sin

sat down beside me

i couldn’t tell which role i should play

her foot kicked mine as she searched for the footrest

nothing acknowledged

i glanced

hair mussed no face to be found

a glass showed up

and went away

one, two, three times that way

closer

i became her forgetting

absorbed her blood letting

images spilled in front of me as she got up

finally! i couldn’t remember why i came

questions remained for her shame

she left before my head could see

what was there

absorbed misery

she fled into the night air

i now carry her in my front chest pocket

left side

stifled memories brought up the sun

we left the park hearts skipping on strings lined with bobbers

pants dirtier than the ground we slept on you were the one who asked to chase the rabbit into the trees it was escaping me

then you said please and never mind wondering if i’d do it again we are penciled in next tuesday

relative necessitates will come and go it’s hard to know if bringing back my friend or foe will prove anything new a bottle of ‘let’s do this’ chasing away second hand situations and hand me down emotions we run from home carrying cross stitched sentiments tightly to our hip, shooting off sophomoric quips to gas station attendants spilling our seventy nine cent soda across the counter with painful glares aware of what we are up to in an instant i flip him the bird as we laugh our way through clang ringing doors bumping into middle age misters who were gas filling

emptying half our cup, drink up. let’s carelessly cross our hearts and hope we die while peeling back layers of why i cry through while i examine nothing new in you but a blanket and shoe lost on the trail a breeze that failed. i know how the night will end. hurry up let’s get there.

spell it out for her and walk away

it’s splattering motions that leave us today crawling sputter god give me some time to make sure you are the one i want to decline in moments when i’m drenched in sunlight and captured by derelict black emotions every waking second drenched in contradiction bathing in hypocrisy i’m a liar face fat fuck who can’t make ends meet i figured i’d shape myself different for you presenting casualties and my boo hoo sad suck story to cover the glory of opportunities i’ve wasted gliding through forgotten faces and braces were never needed to straighten my teeth i fell once masking this bent up beak i carry as my trademark i know it’s not you it’s the fellow who blew right past me in second grade within a stylized profession he was well paid it was all i knew gilded bannisters sliding now faster beginning to strut in with pants half down it’s the fucking clown who scares me in upright positions a special force fierce passer yet nothing to curse if his hands were chopped off and hamarabi was right i would have caught a glimpse of you tying his shoe when i pulled in the room hoping to hop aboard.

to the few

study a facial feature, slight hand to the desk, whisper to Karl who’ll never take a risk 

corralling corgi harnessing energy and thoughts to box it in so they’ll break it out expand and contract motions to make sure they feel you listening no wrong no right no situation too tight to squeeze through and cater a new understanding of us and them and they and we pronoun punting in the land of the free wipe them clean and dig the ditch it’s our last effort to make a switch they want to know and know they’ll never have a complete picture irrigated with the happy and sad rising faster crashing dead spirits dragging in are we with you entering and trying to begin 

teenage minds rewind remain kind my job is to define a culture of expectations from there it’s yours take the four by four and build stairs to straddle strangers glaring back it’s kill or sunshine the greatest attack to who we are built around cities dusk set in polite canteens with situations met 

grab my heart beating whole and holy filled with scars never stopping this bully who baby’s and panders to beasts and goal line jocks considering the feast of flavors desperately wanting a way in you found me yesterday standing away from everybody i was lost and scared left to my own and unaware that blessings are not from above but below the devil never developed the land or laser light show i dig to find my lasting breathe it’s in front of me clamoring bereft to dance with bubbles bursting as they binge watch cantaloupe stars on soap board situations scrubbing now drubbing and clubbing the enemy who can’t stop loving you. 

Continue to think I care

If that’s the part that helps you start your day without replay of nights soaked in rushed around lies telephoning your friends in an attempt at goodbye 

waking and washing the reality you want, long car rides home songs proving you’re not alone while strategizing ways to shift blame about his name and the city you claim held host to the series of pissed around shame

i left curled curiously crying in a ball 

lights out, 

after i shout as you turn around and force my doubt of your reflection and my intention that should carry the burden of life without a hurry. 

waiting in line for you to decide 
this bulging banter of bigoted banality is baiting us to crawl in the crevices created by dynastic despots deciding to edge out the eager elves elevating to elastic funnels fueling fire for the future finish-line as they gather gophers engaged in gross gadgets hailing heroes who halt the interesting introverts imploding in igloos they’re just jacking jocks juggling jaded jams kicking the keepers of the kings secret killings while lapping in luxury licking little lives of leftover lunches lingering with lapses in language lost and lifting languidly for mighty monsters mixing margaritas with manic moments making nothing new now in open orifices overtaking octopus onlookers ogling people pushing past perfume plastic, patiently poking a queens question quest that rests reliably on ready made relics of stationary shoes so small standing solidly in sequestered towers taking time to tempt tonight’s tantrum unaware underneath ugly underwear is validation vaulting to vanished vulnerability waiting, watching while wincing with xylophone yawns yelling at you a zombie.