from bed, trying to find them – again

i was finally left alone

i saw her again

standing leg up in front of a neon lit brick building

pounding a cigarette into her chest

less oxygen than tar filling her lungs spitting plumes of smoke into unqualified air

i stopped

she began at my shoes and stopped at my chest

i fell into her forehead before sliding in the door for my nightly pour of ‘god damn you’ and ‘what for?’

she walked in

more anger than sin

sat down beside me

i couldn’t tell which role i should play

her foot kicked mine as she searched for the footrest

nothing acknowledged

i glanced

hair mussed no face to be found

a glass showed up

and went away

one, two, three times that way

closer

i became her forgetting

absorbed her blood letting

images spilled in front of me as she got up

finally! i couldn’t remember why i came

questions remained for her shame

she left before my head could see

what was there

absorbed misery

she fled into the night air

i now carry her in my front chest pocket

left side

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