from bed, come out, come out, wherever you are

she hid

most of the time

shrouded by deception, trapped and entwined

i let her lure me once

hook set deep

drifted away by desires

hollow hallways, bulging eyes, dropped jaw

love cleverly disguised

tap the chamber door

three times

find the floor

nursery rhymes overheard while resting on flat pillows down the hall

pigs, princesses, that fucking weasel

i was never anyone’s sunshine

jesus didn’t want me either

she read them to you

i was snuggled in lead blankets, alone, tears streaming slowly to the creases on my face, salty, resting on my heavy heart, trapped in my heavy head, feeling my heavy everything, connections unfed

i thought i could follow her voice

echoes led me to you

you seemed content, and not quite what i was hoping for

olly olly oxen free

from bed, despite all the rage…

tender age

wrapped in a cage

i’m sitting in a king sized bed trapped by rage

oh, poor me

images, laying complicit, forcing myself to absorb every still-photo cycled, recycled, history’s nest incubated reminders, we need to thrash the dark parts of humanity, rip them to shreds, when babies cry “papa” in silver marathon beds

disassemble the fragments

destroy this age

no need to seek

it’s barreling down

unmasked

emotion-beat faces of those who consistently play straight, yah, the ones he calls fake, can’t help tear-drop reality, as they struggle to speak what was spoke by breaking-voices rushing in their numb right ears

“excuse me? what’s that? are you kidding me? i have to share what?”

“we’re live”

i know

living

we lost this hand, gave it away

tears stream into artificial color blends, now presentable, a tell

humanness

hurry up, deal the cards

you know what?

fuck it

have the chips, cash them in, stick it in your neighbors wife, we’re done

my poetics are failing me

anger controlling me

stacking up reasons there’s nothing i can do, we talk about the jew, after…

weak minded bosses who use diseased shit for brains thought process to take over society, ahhh, you fucks!

how many “h’s” do you use to demonstrate screaming through clenched teeth?

bowels released in my bed from pressure dread inculcating my heart, core, and head

being polite needs to end

upend

fuck you who are still calm and reasonable

cooler heads get frost bitten, left unable to make their mouths malleable enough to whisper

“stop”

drop and roll

they’re a fire, inhaling timber down mountainsides once hailing purple majesty

that’s their color now

royalty

red and blue fused, knot tied ideology, hues overtaken, mistaken, conjoined

copywriting the slogan on the back of our coin

of no value, inflated hearts pop, moral markets crash

trade in your blank stares and candy bar cares

‘cause

“this could be awhile”

from bed, fragments joined

i don’t need to give you a beat

strip down, hold your own spoon

reading fragments, my life and mind

you should relate

ball point pens, bastardized purity

cannonballs drop and fly, one we smile

the other we die

if i provided the rhythm, sishboom-ta-sish-ma-bleepity-ba

the mistake is made

you’ll be gone, believing me

cadence in footsteps racing on moving sidewalks, bastards, i’ll say it again

there is no father, pretend

answers aren’t magic

amend, times change, however tragic

revolutions rearrange, chaotic static

pathways we once trusted

slap your knees

move your mouth, soliloquies

you don’t need me

there is no part

parting, to the end of this musical

joining the ripple

losing your need

for me to provide a beat

from a porch, number two: trying to find peace in reality

doubting double-takes

going for another

it’s in the clouds, mist gathering causing a shudder from my insides out as i wander about dipping and gliding forgetting how to shout a subtle sigh pushes out my lips as the currents of air begin to rip and i finally feel eternity with no weight, now, no wait to melt into the gathering of other midnight mourning souls wishing away another breezeless night alone in smoke gathered rooms pretending we figured out our plight safety displayed in plumes that’ll fade away

eventually bringing morning, we shake that world from our consciousness

and drift through our day

from bed, crossing property lines puts you in cages

kids in cages for crossing property lines

stay off his lawn, if you cross this figment of their imagination it threatens an insecurity born out of their disturbed, dirty, dead-soul mind-frame, and Gogol isn’t here to hold the mirror to the flaws you absorbed from enemies past

one time monsters are now what you hope to be

morph

are you afraid?

afraid, brown people will spill over to overthrow this overture to a symphony sewing discord, redirecting our friendship glances another distracted direction, wagner would be proud

waiting for your ovation

glimpses into the ebb and flow, of dots and nature’s boundary, needs you have down below, who am i to judge?

we froze the friends above, they used to be unthawed

so polite

i’m done listening, trying to understand

you don’t deserve the second hand that is heard clapping in forests alone where you’ve yet to tap natural nutrients to buy and sell for a single cell, there’s a cell in hell waiting to capture your lifeless soul you bought and sold for no more than the price of gold

they’re digging it up for you

stand still

wait here

we’ll come to you

from a stool, letting go ego

i lost track

not time

the rails that keep me focused

so desperate for you to hear my calamity, joys, and distant insanity

i force these worlds over yours

i used to ask questions for you

discovering, how we are interwoven souls becoming nothing

some might say one

yet

the soul is done when hearts are hung on strings dangling from willow trees alone in fields easy for us to find

in recent days

i’ve been self absorbed

soaking in how it all relates to me

i’ll wring myself

better yet, will you clutch my being, squeeze, and choke this misguided mess of a righteous asshole i’ve become

leave the discolored filth of ego on the floor, if you can’t see it, you deserve to slip

it will evaporate in time

continuing the cycle of discovering a path

i’m committed

to forget about me

how are you?

i’m asking for a friend

there are no guides, defined ways

only open movements left up to interpretation

understood

it all means the same thing

from bed, hacking the breeze

relied upon institutions bastardized by a revolution of technology, masses conjure their imaginative egos pretending to have put in the time

fooling you, they’re real

discipline lost

paradise, long gone

sweet steven priest wrote a new song

i’m tricking myself that this poem, however long, contends with hughes, whitman, and what’s that haniel?

i belong

validation was cast in the lake of credentials, genuine appeal and voice discovered, developed and verified by the dirt under your nails, sunken eyes framed by the denial that everything is ok

prove myself

keep moving

they’re just as real

the words

i’m not the bash brothers containing my accomplishments with new blood juice, i’m letting loose the noose and finding an excuse to keep emitting emotion into an atmosphere of nobodies pressing ‘likes’, dismissing the possibility that i might have ‘something’ here

who wants to go first?

out on a limb

can’t cling to ironies ease, cackling, waiting for silence to assure you’re not alone when moments seized in the breeze of another’s sneeze and you said something

don’t bless me

dismiss me as a hack

why?

i don’t have a name?

selfish flying in internet space we ego-righteously claim it couldn’t be

just be

me

moving pictures of animal interactions are easy to digest

i’ll keep making meals lactose thick

i want you to hear me when i come out

influenced

contemplating a new page in this digital age, no one will define good for you

unless you join their monthly club

you made your box

now die in it

from bed, i have a hammer

forcing a voice over my own that sings the right chords and delivers a tone for you to remember long distance phone calls wrapped in a cord wishing your mom would come home instead of wandering countrysides picking up strange rides, to be plucked and prodded, poked along, left with a hollow soul outline for a song

where i belong is next in line

detours never bring comfort to the longing panics and strange outlines i trace on the back of childhood menus where they never understood my order

i didn’t get what i wanted

i couldn’t complain, shut up eat, we have to beat the rain that clouds above our heads, your precipitation filled words, language without verbs, adjectives to describe the way i let you down again

without this pen, the pressing of keys, i’d think about telling you how sorry i am that i had a bad day, i didn’t live up to the version of me i put in front of you to accept the facade i know you want to fuck without intimacy, that’s implied, a version of you shaking hands and casting sunlight glares with mirror eyed stares helps you rest assured that you are right

i’m nothing

a whore to your ego

i’ll bend, twist, rise, and fall, a sacrificial blow up doll without plastic creases leaving marks, smooth

who’s your pimp?

which way do you go after me for your hours of shaken soul confiscation and desertification?

from a counter, distracted by the day’s events

flames lick the fingers that i stick in honey buckets sitting on-top cherry tree splinters fallen at the hands of mythic creatures we distort through history, a placebo swallowed, no side affects

demons compelled to dance in the dark children’s screams fuck the sounds of our hearts beating for the last time, while biting ears ringing with humiliations birth, rattling through thighs, dripping with surprise as you look down to find nothing

from a room, heredities whisper

toxic traditions from your mothers tongue tumble out of your mouth

you’re in control of these tailored tones designed to lose everything you love

an easy strike

pointed

i forgave you once, hated her

twice, loving you

i moved out and back in

everything you wanted was easy to rescind so you didn’t have to maintain stale mundane walks to get the mail, the monthly bills, my name, your name, every crack in the sidewalk predictable, every neighbor wave the same

wishing i could trip and walk over your body, an easy situation to blame, outside destruction

we can reconcile

the slow slicing of emotional membranes fading my need to care

we can’t relate

days, weeks, months

i stop wondering why i can’t get up

more so

i stop asking why

it doesn’t matter

you’re predisposed to pretend she died when you were ten, now, i’m left with her ghost

telling me

it’s time to go