prose

from a porch, listening to lightening

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

the night nears an end

temporary space where unconscious exploration begins, nothing expires when examined again, picked up dropped in spaces to heighten an understanding of where we got lost on this turnpike filled with stops and starts and turn arounds, spinning underground to make our way through impassable barricades listening to the mist slowly gather to a rain, and feign a smile so you know i heard what you expected as the midnight oil burned

i hope these pages smell of kerosene and fluorescent lights in the modern age

i stayed up

dedicated to rage

change that brings forth a light that’ll guide us when the next space time travel is welcomed to design patterns of thoughts coinciding, colliding, exploding and refining the purpose we seek to push on another day

i thought of you

alone in a bed made for two

tossing and turning with ideas plagued

the belief that there is something more

it’s more of what came before

the aftermath left on a forest floor

walking over crumbled leaves

a change of seasons

i can breathe again

with reason

not to figure out

to resign the words for someone else

walking this path

of rediscovery

from a porch, graduation

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

i educate

i teach

i provide lessons while pacing classroom floors begging for questions

unanswerable and deserving attention, an enigmatic energy pushing further perceptions of reality and math equation mentality leading us closer to new found morality

if we stop to listen

i pause in hallways with youth mingling in swarms, disjointed social norms, sorting out the circles, triangles, and obtuse forms that are drawn to examine and explore why i learn more when i hit the floor, falling off ledges asking ‘what for?’

i hope i don’t bore

with the one thousandth and thirty-fourth time i remind you to be kind

i foster a sense of self, confidence climbing walls in front of smart boards carrying your research words of worlds you wish to fly to and investigate, get lost and redecorate your failing facade, now, strip it away, find yourself, serve the whole

i’m a student

i’m being taught

you provide lessons so i don’t get caught

thinking i know that i know something

all i know is the same nothing

you are seeking to forget

from a porch, forget sunday

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

hurried blood moving to my feet keeping me dangerous enough to forget to eat, legs bounce to rhythms i define, nothing coming in, everything circling inside, recycled emotions, sensations i know, uncomfortable stances, i wish i could stand still, next to you singing melodies of the future, i’m trapped in space swimming in the ether, of stained innocence when i trusted your sounds, feigned smiles, when i’d come around, i thought they were real, wanted, sunday’s were forgotten

from a bed, disinterested

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

i tugged at the elastic bottom of my red sweatshirt while you told me ‘it’ was never what i thought

looking down at the frayed ends

i’m sickened, scared, and sad considering the potential reality this meeting might have on how i proceed

alone

i’ve kept secrets from you;

i can’t look at mirrors in public spaces

i’ve never held a lover after sex

i kick stones into cars on dark walks home

i’ve stabbed your face in daydream moments when you don’t rush to me while crashing through after-work’s door

there’s so much more

the reasons i claw my arms and pound my thigh on drives where tears fly listening to others cry through speakers hoping to feel something more than histories persistent pressing on the present no matter how much liquid i dump in my throat

wishing, waiting, wanting a separation from the reality that little hands were bit by violent words leaving scars seen every night before i try to close my eyes and bleed out your disinterest in the ways i was pounded sideways long enough to forget how to walk straight

i veil it all

drugs and alcohol

saying the names would give them weight

making them too heavy to carry in my heart, where they ensure the fracture will never heal, i couldn’t imagine, ever feeling whole

there are no replaceable pieces

it’s getting cold

i zipper my hoodie

turn around

and leave your explanations alone

carrying the devastation

forever changing my conversational tone

sewing my lips

leaving me breathless

from bed, do you know?

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

you couldn’t give me a straight answer

i stuck around chain smoking cigarettes, crushing butts into metal ashtrays marking the movement of time

leaving me with a fitful night sleep and stained fingers

wishing i had found another way to slow your goodbyes to a drawn out stutter that i could complete for you

g.g.goo.goo.g.good.da.da.da…

DAY

your greeting with a grimace-frustrated face had you give up on trying to erase the words i inserted to keep you close

i never wanted to watch you disintegrate into a pool of leftover thoughts

waiting for me to grab a mop and wring out your memory into water muddied by wishful questions

that we’ll never move on from

from a couch, speak to me

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

stand and deliver the sermon you were sent to serenade us with on a mountain built to rise above the pathetic-life platitudes that dribbled from hedge-fund hoes betting for a secure future full of uncertainty to those they pretend to protect

raise your voice over the echoes from the valley below full of window dressed men with barbed wire mouths hoping to take another step towards sisyphus’s demise

i’d find comfort pushing senseless stones endlessly in an effort to drive out those needing the next thing

i found a rhythm with my broom, sweeping streets littered with lost souls seeking sunrise in paper bags and garbled thoughts

who am i to declare anything

the thought alone gives weight to a world crushing Atlas, without a map we lose our way home

where will we go?

your words cease when understanding is drowned in the ocean you slipped into while realizing, no one was listening

from bed, unlike the others

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

plucked, still shivering from the shock

gently observed, now dropped

slaloming through subtle air currents

resting on imitations

feet shuffling through fields filled with fear

shift the pile of clones

creating a new order, without emotion

as shades are slowly drawn on day

from the porch, the stars at night are big and bright

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

put them on display like marie o’day

a traveling freak show of our forever frozen-in-fear children’s bodies captured behind glass

we’ll pay our quarter and gasp

will we find the answer?

as they continue to be riddled by bullets from the sphinx’s arms, can they enter our institutions without having to guess who is on all fours and who walks down hallways holding an end to their innocence, not lost, taken, never to be regained?

one last wrinkle from the protector of Thebes tongue, ‘he slithers on his belly after lunch’

these displays are not an anomaly

nothing to stare at stupefied

they’re genetically modified like the rest of us

a mirror in her casket would prove to be interchangeable

next to the werewolf man, just as believable

our fears

in arranged viewing areas for us to examine

school buildings charging admission for us to safely discover what keeps us up at night when our imaginations are made tangible, agreed upon breeding grounds left to their own devices

desires to smash mores established for greed, desires for their moms to fulfill their needs

and dad’s to stand up, before another one bleeds

and joins the circus

from bed, tired words

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

another friday came

we relaxed on cushions set out to comfort the fall from a week when your guardian angel took a break

why’d you go?

what was the place you sought when dangerous days dangled before us daring dancing darling pixies to take another stab at pictures i hold onto while lights flicker and shadows bounce off walls with pealing paint soaked in smoke stains and greasy breakfast fights

saturday will greet the sun

i’ll rise and wonder how i got here

your passing defined my sleep patterns

i couldn’t escape your smile

seared in every crease my brain formed to try to forget

from the porch, i forgot how

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

a part of it is, i don’t remember

i can’t trace the sequence of dance steps that led us to this disillusioned state staring at statues that led us to this place of deserted rhythms

the loss of a heartbeat

still life seeking solitude when up against fates knife

slit

distancing ourselves from reconciliation

worries dissipate

sorrows meditate

the taste of your breathe finding a way to my memories

it’s over now, the present straddles dawn break, and leaves wonder in its wake

this i’ll take

and forget how i got here