They didn’t like the fact that I cried 

one day they’ll embrace the person that they’re laced with a slip of the pinky ring holding powder that will plunder their desire and leave them trapped, confined by heredity, not only a burden, you see the blanket isn’t always stifling it’s freeing to feel that mass appeal and banana split sundae shakes birthday cakes that boxes make if you decide to run don’t forget my emotions you must take and every thursday we went to the bank, standing in line, you tugged at my seams asking for a dum dum or always more it seemed. that was ok, everything was. mostly, yet we lined the blankets and folded sheets your drool and hands making everything complete i struggle now finding a way to relate at times confused shattered by okays or see ya goodbyes it’ll all come back and we’ll understand where the lamplight hangs and laughters uncanned. careening.

the sunrise spoke i decided to listen 

guided principles floating at sea there is very little left representing me as we stir through the mystery finally clean i know the salves that let me be and the four told us that’s how we can flee a shocking reality we travel sideways now and can’t seem to cheat the way up north and drop down meat i think i may cardinal my way to a place where bitterness sleeps sits and stays without warning you wanted to meet and i can’t handle those swift blinding defeats a traveled sandlot find me at noon we’ll sit for coffee bring the balloon that your tired oxygen mouth couldn’t resist last saturday when first we kissed and set this thing spinning 

the moon gave rise and we fell deaf to all her cries

destined to be squished face pressed on glass i stood on my head but that didn’t last eating whatever concoction you make if you’re willing to give i’m willing to fake the words that pound in my head at three in the morning i’m lying with dread it couldn’t come soon enough these wrinkled line moments if you could flip over we could atone this it isn’t that i lost you and the rest a feast of passengers pounding my chest ripping through my best yet you can’t have it i’m a total mess if i wore those frills the ones that thrill i may have to silently sneak in and kill a slice of your arm then right for the toe you’d drain while i tried to finally show that not even a death will provide the answer to springtime blooming with flus and cancer 

leave july alone it’s frustrated by last year and if we mention this way again 

i’ll never forget that you let me in, this is how i repay you. 

you’re going to eat your bagel and go for a walk i wish i could say those words again

they’d be left hollow and bouncing from limited walls the shadows are gone and all that’s left is a mall in this town where heartbeats throbbed with delight i made up your last fear and now you have sight you’re welcome for opening such a situated wonder if the bells rang louder you might make a decision to get up and let the yellow hatred enter your pea sized brain making fun of some is like watering the rain 

#2

don’t touch

the signs didn’t need to be there

no one really was going to put their hands 

on something so planned

it was his alone

so they stared in awe and wonder curious if it would happen

then

a shift in the way they saw his soul as vibrations were felt down every hall transporting from red to yellow green the white it all made sense now the last transport flight we thought

then it undressed before us

#3

jump

let the lake’s motions move you sideways

glancing up

your family is straight ahead

lay back

bobbing, corners of your mouth slightly filling a quick spit tilt your head back arms suspended legs lowered 

flip over 

they’re fifty yards further 

the faces changed time to yourself 

switching perspectives relatives are relative as we shape the size of our eyes and see 

put yourself in a position to positively effect the people around you while pouring yourself a glass of well defined ego with a side of hero 

‘i’m pretty fantastic’ is all the gloating you can do while pretending to get down off that pedestal that we all play with in our mind. i lost confidence thinking too much of your perception, so i went to the store and bought some cheetos, a six pack of mountain dew (nothing fancy, the regular type) and beef jerky. upon completing the meal that left me grounded i realized it wasn’t anything new the balance between the minds desire and the true a wish that somehow you could see through a night stopping examination of how we connect in this plane of ornate palace claims that claim the life of so many people who just want to be seen. i choked on that desire, coughing, phlegm flying forward forcing my stomach on the floor in front of you. we stared completely amused. i got the towel. you got me water. thanks. 

well my bags are packed and boxes and bins not peter or paul we’re in this together i never stood at mary’s door yet she still is my favorite idol proving it when i stole a statue from quiet church steps carrying her from dorms and cross country treks it’s the four of us now a square to be sure resting our corners on one another’s stare and quiet now hush will you see that we’re somehow connected to that room.

i don’t dare dip into the den of disappointment i’ll take experiences for what they are and delve deeper into the place where i know something is listening to the thoughts that i lay with and there was no turning around when you called my name, the car door was closing, slow motion magnets tried pulling me back without the distraction that we’re under attack and bring back the lunch pack scooby snack disposable straws and underwoos we were comfortable then not knowing an end. the way people will set you up and down again can i continue without a sense of saying that something was alarming? lost my train paused and can’t regain the calm i felt when left coasting in my brain without regulation the laws of the insane can we say we’re there? letting in no distractions, the cat meow, warm bodies next to us, a rising sun daring us to drift through the day without stepping in to say that this kind of situation is not ok, we have to talk.

Poof.Cloud cover could provide a perfect opportunity to see you today. We used to sit under rin tin awnings listening to the pit patter as temperatures dropped, our faces lost, and when i brought another battle you kept reminding me to feel the mist moistening my face, realize the way our eyes squint and noses drool. you kept your cool, i lost my calm and sunday afternoons were spent in different spaces one trying to erase while the other craved another taste. Jingle jangle, the sound scared me. They were coming again. Can we climb for cover and convert? eat the experts and examine the dirt, you always flirted and made the plans can we lose each other one more time would you do something. help me pretend. where did you go? I see the swirls starting to fill the sky, you just drove by, i’m out here soaking wet and pissed off. this rain ruined me.

i wake up half baked and the world gives me time to add and equate the benefit of doubt due to the color of my skin a lapse of reason a few minutes to begin good intention seekers nicely imprisoned for laundering our whites not the socks in the duffel yet an equally angry vet wondering where the rules went with an ever changing board designed to adapt to rent its slipping away and the fear and intimidation that still sit silent in alien suburbs where they don’t see torches as necessary defense i’m the lucky one spewed out washing my skin duty delivered and i’m stuck within clambering to the next of kin where do i go? i want to help. i’m not one of them the great forgetting wasn’t lost on me i’m decidedly pretending i haven’t added to this. 

The insecurity hasn’t left i’m waiting for days when i don’t wander without wondering what you want it’s cold up here and down there we are lost it’s something i saw once in a daydream fistfight he didn’t like my shoes his hair was too tight couldn’t grab on my hands didn’t fit in my pockets i hated the feel of wool and you just stared at my eyes bagged and cold it wasn’t that you didn’t care it’s the capacity to fit another breath of discontent in the ribbon wound emotions of yesterday’s drip and it’s not fair yes it is no it’s not then again you always circle the parking lot waiting to drop in minutes wasted my heart sheltered from this stifling optimism it doesn’t compute i’m trying to mute the flashes of past encounters when you craved my desolation when the road wasn’t there a peer stretching into the ocean of something yellow something green colors are mixing now you’re in the scene get out these are my words that i write