poem

from a chair, distance from disaster

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

you stuck the wooden mallet down my throat and began churning out helpless emotions i stuffed deep years ago to dispel the myth that i am predetermined to your sink-disposal life they threw everything into before you ran away

i’m ok

it made me gag a little

i can taste the past

visions will never last

i bleached my eyeballs

knowing i had to keep moving

my sentences full of your pronouns

i forgot how to say her name

digesting symbols of those who came before the blame

it was them

jesus and the gang

names, like animal emotions

only for us

humans

i gurgled visions of father figure fuck over from a forged outcome past and spat hard on rocks as i kept walking

you’re behind me

motionless

the handle hangs out of your bludgeoned head

eyes resting

red

unfed

dead

from a porch, you were going to hold me accountable

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

lollipop licking

contemplating your last statement while gazing out over breeze-blown tall grass, tempting the less cynical side of my spirit while sugary spit clumped in my throat, swallowing the artificial sweet side of life proved difficult

i kept sucking

i held back a cough, sure to be misinterpreted if it penetrated the atmosphere and confused the steady stream air

you don’t remember what you said?

the whisper that stripped me of everything i dreamt we had, only days earlier when i swayed in a string tied hammock we bought on vacation

you thought i was sleeping

your whispers found a way through the breeze

sentiments of regret were swept into my ears

i waited

for you to say more

instead

your hushed sigh echoed through my resting mind, changing letters in sequence and design to form your final

goodbye

so long

i opened my eyes to the sound of music song echoing playfully in my mind, easing the reality of moving on

under my cap brim shading the sun

a smile danced through my eyes

and quickly curled my lips, finally releasing

i can breathe again

from a high-top table, branches bending

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

i think in lyric

mine and theirs

static rhythms keeping my stare affixed on memories and people i’ll never be

unless the shot gun blast finds a way through me

i left myself open

a crack at least

hoping you’d peer in with pure curious intention and press play

i may not give you what you want

today

stick around, keep listening

grind the stump and sit down

my story reflects people and places left placid in vapid outline traces for me to dissect when lonely echo fears steer my unrhyming sentiments into desperate voices that don’t sound like mine

i borrowed your lines, at times revealing the source

it’s all of ours of course

the main-course chorus, we’re trapped on this course where vibrations were once smooth

battling remorse

i’m hoarse

sounds i listen to alone while standing in line, clear, no buds in my ears, my utterance worsen with every stimulated synapse firing a new tone

leave me

let guilty-confident musings guide my thoughts, and challenge the language of stars to find a way through these bars your judgement raised between my lips

so malleable mind wanderings can become truth

from the porch, after getting out of bed

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

curious notions were satisfied when i stripped myself of your diseased perceptions creating questions asked for during midnight mumblings alone in a room made for two

i’m forced into deadline reconciliations with someone i’d walk over on my way to develop new-vision novelties

splitting open rotted wood emotions with hatchet hands

taking another step

forward

counting the splinters stuck in my socks left soaking after the slush i sloshed through in rock-kicked alleys developed a leftover meal for children clawing their way up

determined to continue counting question marks when presented facts

vomiting distractions on desk tops made for drawing, hoping you’ll stop prattling on with dotted dates and crossed out names

i know what you’re thinking

i didn’t want to be here anyway

from bed, before the storm

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

turn around

you’ll find what you want

bleach or black paint brush strokes delivering your excuse

conditions deciding how you move forward

entertained by lapsing memory stories distilled down to a single purpose

to relieve guilt

campfire laughter erupts from recollections of near-death drunken nights

morning comes and tears fly sideways, reminders of locker-room terror found at the hands of a stare which led everything astray

i ended up whisking away any sense of innocence i could have sensed before you walked my way

at least, that became the story

everything was just fine

i blacked out the gold after being told that the hand i held would melt and meld with dreams delivered and awoken by nightmare screams

forcing me to stir

stranded on a balance beam without the ability to focus

admonish what came before

funnel to a pinpoint why you’re here

face forward

keep walking

be near

from the porch, figuring out where things should go

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

organized thoughts demand order

you sought to destroy

i ran away from programming the syllables that bounced from my mouth and relied on intuition to avoid the faults forgetting that you had a perfect plan

i stampeded through your home breaking everything known to hold the mystery of where our love had flown with bumble bee rhythm getting further from the holy hymn that we hummed harmoniously to fall asleep

i can’t sort this one out

chasing away scurrying doubt

as i dance about the perpendicular lines of our love

from the porch, you can’t continue to decide

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

“look at the spiral

face aglow in defining malleable elements to create the essence of this space ride we’re all on

children”

you always seemed to drift away when i was lost replaying the conversations of a day that spun my mind wondering if i was okay

or, the one who missed something

i wrestle with trusting myself

when pictures of realities painted and placed in front of me are science fiction examinations

the human condition

yet their beliefs of what is occurring simultaneously with the rhythm i walk in while humming a tune of humanity with all i encounter

doesn’t match mine

did i miss something?

was the sky red while rain fell, washing seeds of sin from loose soil into a sea that held the toil of so many men, and women, to be sure, witnessing their planting of hope join a body of water stagnant with despair

did i miss something?

were conversations, honest exchanges, nothing more than rearranges of designs you wanted others to distinguish when interpretation should have reigned

did i miss something?

did you hear anything?

i was well aware

it was you caught in an insecure stare drawing up your plans for what you wanted to perceive

preconceived

pre-determined

i didn’t miss a thing

you lost track of me.

from the porch, the best medicine

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

laugh at the current state of affairs

remember it’s not yours or theirs

it’s the ones who place a comma at the end of a sentence, continuing the conversation with a pause

reflect

genuflect before the giant who is eating your lunch while you ponder the fact that he may be hungry

fuck empathy

i’m tired of your perspective and can’t afford another seat at this table where we pretend every opinion has a place

get the fuck up

hurry

and leave

or i should

yet, this is my problem

being polite

you don’t deserve me holding the door

i can’t say ‘bless you’

allowing you to utter a word compromises every bit of integrity i act like matters while we spin antique platters alone in a room, grabbing myself while i imagine my slaves bowing to the genius that was lucky enough to be spat out in a place and time that caters to my appearance

i can’t chuckle

embarrassment is meant to shy away from

not lean into

a fire

waiting to lick our faces with the flames

of ignorance

from my porch, what do you want?

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

if you like this, can you tell me why? for those who enjoy my words, i see you. i give you voices and personalities from a single round picture – letting me know you’re there. our experience are different – our emotions the same. we share a common bond on this undulating plane; in our world created in this outer-space place, zeroes and ones translating a blank face, a virtual place, where we talk to ourselves. not a single voice, no, not alone, a series of our own beings spliced into other beating pieces to this glued and framed puzzle. are we that confined? blinded by the design our future holds?

yah, so i want to know why you choose to read my thoughts. i used to not say i care, in fact, i deceived us that i didn’t.

i do.

from my porch, family stood above all

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

toxic conversations swing wildly around in ill tempered rooms where insecurity wanders wildly diverting our emotions to a response jerked to high knee kick ears closed eyes wide and nothing building in a surprise of where we can’t fathom the possibility that we aren’t able to connect the dots of rhythm leaving your pounding heart realization points filtering away the trust of balcony peering

can i trust you?

you’d have to open wide while i gash flesh and rip intestines from surprised organs hand over hand falling to the floor and you laugh, or cry, at least understand it’s a momentary glimpse into something other than them

the others

i see, sniff, and bite at disingenuously dangled desires designed to deteriorate

everything around them so their tethered tightened whitened and worn out soul can stand above the bloody mess declaring supremacy

i can stop smiling

guilt