from a porch, waiting for the sway

sideways force, movements continue forward

swaying in ecstasy’s lane wondering if i should pull over

backwards isn’t an option

waiting for you to catch up, would tempt my patience

regardless

we never surrendered to that scheme, moving to the known, our game was to dethrone what couldn’t be predicted

animal instinct

impulse

pushing the physical, unable to tackle the emotional…state of deciding if we were doing the right thing

it was the breeze

disturbing my trajectory

i gave in

while you led the way

from a porch, grim interactions

we need to talk

i’ll lift back the curtain

lower my face

walk out, listen

you will too

commands set the tone

heightened emotions cloned

and we can’t extend this phone line made with tape and twine far enough from begging ears to pretend we’re alone, with monster fears

under-explained

while over-zealous tears beg for forgiveness

never attained

comments continue the misinterpretation of dreams we share for a future aware that this window blank stare won’t find a way to care

as we listen to the off-beat blare of distant heartbeats

i watch you

assumption-breathes find and fog glass

we are separate

it’s used as backdrop to write ‘die’

as you walk by and i’ve never even asked you your name

assumptions

that’s you

a whole bucket full of my assumptions

you’re neither rubber nor glue you haven’t a clue that i drew your shoe, red, white, and blue, knowing your name wasn’t Boo, and i couldn’t Radley an understanding of what you’ve been through, but this two-dimensional false-attempt makes me feel better

kill the birds

i don’t jump when your name is called

i told you we need to talk

behind the walls

so you couldn’t hear

and i could say ‘i tried’

from a porch, rain is coming

grafted personalities with wind-blown hairdos did the desert dance in sand filled bedrooms while clutching arid histories against milk depleted breasts

hope crumbled as swirling dirt devils divided what happened

with

what was wished for

we can’t taste the innocence of a sour dairy kiss anymore, without wondering which farm you wandered away from

developing a future, progeny

will cease

birds will fly

dogs will bark

worms will weasel through holes, no longer visiting the sea

we came together, for destruction

brought together, so they could continue on

from an airport, excuse me

tongue tied

i lost my footing and tripped into a torture chamber

landing, wide-eyed, squinting about unable to find a way out

strained wrinkles messing my face, a rearranged place that mind-shadows cast years ago in half-lit rooms, i ran in circles, a single cloud followed my gloom

after days trapped alone i started building my tomb, until i heard whispers from above, something about a dove and desert blooms

faint glimpses of hope under half moons

happiness kept at bay, waiting out the storm

i missed my chance

contrasts, duality blasts, me and you

one morning, by my best estimation, i found my words

i screamed through echo chamber hallways that led me to fluorescent buzzing, illuminating everything, obnoxiously

i can’t hide!

how do i know when i’m good enough?

without the ability to fall again

through the floor

how much lower?

this is the end?

i can’t trip again, into your hole

free to die

speaking my mind

from a strange bed, short lived insight

standing in line waiting for you to come out

leaving the door open would have helped me hear the shouts of your bruised arms battling another night wishing he’d come home

it doesn’t matter that we stayed

he couldn’t stand to reflect on the bed we made, believing tonight was the last time we’d feel hope

go to sleep now

it’s time

from a midwestern bed, sleep deprived and still acting

you have an audience

take a bow

glide through the curtains

a trail of movement as the lights go up

applause only lasts as long as the illusion that you’ll give more

it doesn’t follow, fate fades

dimensions, one sided

apprehension we confide in

i stood before a crowd once, lost my voice and fell from the cloud composed of possibilities that you’d accept me

i couldn’t compare myself

you were worried, self aware, self-centered, bathing in the echo hitting hands

forgetting i need you

rather, i become you, destroy me

i won’t last

let’s get off this stage

that was the final act

from a couch, lucky to run

they want to save the snow leopards

selling lemonade

cars stop, smiles and exchanges occur, habitual customs, they walk away quietly dumping uncovered sugar contents in street gutters before careening suburban corners without a seatbelt

money fills the jar, to keep alive childhood rituals, symbols that innocence existence on street corners

in white neighborhoods

she wants to go to disneyland

selling water below one bedroom paranoia, people walk-by, needing sustenance, they acquiesce, money hits her palm, fear-threatened people make phone calls to police

for black children

i’m neither, them or they

i’ve been told i shouldn’t speak this way, given my experience

i can pretend i’ve been ostracized, falsely accused, driven away, left raising money for myself, not for far away fur creatures

disneyland, it’s better than lunch

fortune finds us all, believing it’s monetary, the start of our fall

relatable situations, empathy

we’re not as far apart as any of us want

we’re all selling something on street corners, in backseat of uber lyfts, alone in the car-pool lane

our desire to connect without commitment, ensures we all know our place

from a couch, dead leaves

heaving

gasping for breathe while every leaf-raked emotion blows around my head again, kicked up, stirred, perfect-compartment piles shuffled through, kicked to the wind by your decision to enter again

through the front door

a home purposefully redecorated, walls torn down, your face not found, closets cleaned, memories unforgiven, now, NOW, you walk through the front yard on an autumn afternoon seeking refuge whilst destroying order

did you see the sidewalk?

what was in front of you?

that’s what led to tight lipped moments together

your inability to understand the means

an end

which means

you have no understanding of what this means, implications, outcomes, your finality, it’s in sight

again

you need to be told twice

don’t think

it’s alright

i’ll use a blower next time, and burn the remnants of early spring’s green hope

from a porch, neighborhood dreams

it’s real

that sensation that starts at the fingers of a forgotten friend and finds its way through you, holding hands wishing the sway would turn to a grasp and lead to rolling in freshly watered grass, overcoming discomfort in the name of passion, spontaneity

finding buttons and zippers to undo and divide, blissfully panting, newfound pride found in rhythmic pulses leading to shouts of freedom, letting go of every inhibition, primal yelps breaking neighborhood night silence in a park down the street from where our parents lived

and once loved

they had fake smiles and handshakes, birthday parties and shared steaks sizzling on wedding present grills pouring friday night puffs of community into styrofoam streets

neighbor coveted neighbor coveted neighbor, swapping stares as sundresses flipped up while planting perennials along front lawn borders, a tasteful fence

fears were multiplied when we started to subdivide and ran away from what made us great

what’s real?

the feel of coming back to plastic childhood haunted backyards, and parading in twenty year old libido with the next door pigtails you always wanted

from a couch, back in pocket

i packed the information deep in the crease of a car seat waiting for him to return from his midnight run to the south-side of town where whispers were captured and drowned in the effervescent moon glow

building intensity until climax and i should change my shorts before i return unless you can convince them the squirm in my heels and kicks of my legs are due to an innocent grabbing of my sinister stick plucked and peeled from the family tree i fell out of two weeks before the beginning of jail night stays

i commit the crime, and they saw it that way, wishing wicked thoughts would welcome whatever it is you drink before toxic conversations turn to fists breaking flesh and “i hate you’s” that are healed by mornings aching eyes, rolling over and smelling thighs until you realize it’s the thought of disappointment you dispose of in accidental dumpster fires where once and again, forever, and never will my rod bend when i capture a glimpse of your stagnant water wishing it had taken a left instead of a right down the middle, play it safe bullshit life without a fight to call me to help during hellfire deliveries, packages banged and rearranged wondering which doorstep you live behind

i knew waiting for you would spin into this

the information is there

deep in your seat

take a look