Together they would peer over the edge to see that laughing dragon disguised as a tyrannical sea serpent who couldn’t tell them what day it was yet every time they asked, searching for the truth in something so elemental. my mind a bubble about to bust open from the pressure of all these relationships and maintaining what it means to be a fiend, or is that friend, always up, can we plateau? catch ourselves drifting in the undertow. do you like what you see enough to be content with this? is it me or do i have to constantly be becoming perhaps that is the switch you pulled and to be told if truth is gold i never cared for what you want in this purpose filled castle where you gather with the mice daily making sure we know our lines it’s the expectations and nuance i wish i could understand this isn’t a performance. i don’t have to morph characters the tragedy is far from knowing it’s not greek to me this thing that you see is just a slice of freedom telling you to leave me alone and let the spy signal his own cologne in a german bathroom alone, listening to the tone of broken phone conversations left blank by kid television situations let’s all get this straight i can tug on your coat and silver plate a message it’s something to build can we just live in the top floor and call it good.

we gathered the wood and put it to the left of the fire place like he asked, it wasn’t much of a task, really, he was the one in control of building the box that would be consumed by what brought us out of the trees and i preferred a teepee yet it’s not always up to me. we woke up early the next day and rolled through a mash up mix of manuscripted mountains to make sure we could touch a sanskrit circle with the perfect balance of yellow and purple if your wishes take you down this go round be sure to fold my face, symmetry puts it all in the right place a vase and taste of leftover waste wishing you would acknowledge the place where the lilacs lifted stale cigarette blood from a chair to your phone and the quiet drone that unpleasant tone of beast pounding parades pushing us home get back to the start and hand me my shirt i gotta figure out why there was no warning this morning i’m running late the smoldering burden in front is all that’s left

He walked down sidewalks on the left side

carrying that stupid umbrella, it was his signature piece against the grain sliding in between days a cure for the mundane stroll to get vegetables and an energy drink before retiring to his one bedroom apartment where fantasies lived out with red shut eyes barely stirring until the coughing and movements of early bird neighbors gave way to sunlight. it wasn’t until i broke in one day that i found out about his levi collection and love of ovaltine. i didn’t take anything, just some wonderings why would i care so much. what about him angered me as i slid dogs into buns for tourists and suits. tin foil wrap grip sliding through my greasy dollar transaction hands, steam vents reminding me, i’m alone. when’s his birthday? who loves him? does he see me? who does he caress and undress in his mind when time permits a sensitive topic for him to pit against the pendulum of time we may never meet unless i stop him with my chemical meat and ask him for something that he may not have a moment to answer, the questions of a stranger loving him from a distance. i’m envious of that waltz and the paisley patterns that adorn his glance and if he dances could i lead? a mystery left, there are more corner store brats to feed. 

She only used black pens on crossword puzzles, i watched as she made the precise messy double fold of thursday’s paper filling in with rounded ‘e’ and capital ‘H’ while finding words for beige and tap tap tapping her pen on bent denim knees. she should have worn glasses it would have completed my thoughts and as she got up to leave i noticed a spot, a spilled sign from the bottomless cup a mystery left, but she’s just someone’s friend, a daughter maybe a mother means nothing to me i’m a casual observer of oddities and traits i see the furniture not the crates i reach down and try to pack up i stop frozen by the managers cup he hates me telling you this but they’re all plants secret spies getting jacked up to create a scene for you to fulfill a magazine fantasy wrought with bullshit cigarette smoke and carousel rides there never was a darker time just a rewind button on parking fines nothing can penetrate your americano buzz it was the funnies not your height that brought new characters square into the light if she passed by again you wouldn’t know another person in this skit hopped up on blow a transcended being feeding our senses and she can’t spell or complete sentences it’s blue ink we need to make this official, so get up and leave it’s all just a show.

They didn’t like the fact that I cried 

one day they’ll embrace the person that they’re laced with a slip of the pinky ring holding powder that will plunder their desire and leave them trapped, confined by heredity, not only a burden, you see the blanket isn’t always stifling it’s freeing to feel that mass appeal and banana split sundae shakes birthday cakes that boxes make if you decide to run don’t forget my emotions you must take and every thursday we went to the bank, standing in line, you tugged at my seams asking for a dum dum or always more it seemed. that was ok, everything was. mostly, yet we lined the blankets and folded sheets your drool and hands making everything complete i struggle now finding a way to relate at times confused shattered by okays or see ya goodbyes it’ll all come back and we’ll understand where the lamplight hangs and laughters uncanned. careening.

the sunrise spoke i decided to listen 

guided principles floating at sea there is very little left representing me as we stir through the mystery finally clean i know the salves that let me be and the four told us that’s how we can flee a shocking reality we travel sideways now and can’t seem to cheat the way up north and drop down meat i think i may cardinal my way to a place where bitterness sleeps sits and stays without warning you wanted to meet and i can’t handle those swift blinding defeats a traveled sandlot find me at noon we’ll sit for coffee bring the balloon that your tired oxygen mouth couldn’t resist last saturday when first we kissed and set this thing spinning 

the moon gave rise and we fell deaf to all her cries

destined to be squished face pressed on glass i stood on my head but that didn’t last eating whatever concoction you make if you’re willing to give i’m willing to fake the words that pound in my head at three in the morning i’m lying with dread it couldn’t come soon enough these wrinkled line moments if you could flip over we could atone this it isn’t that i lost you and the rest a feast of passengers pounding my chest ripping through my best yet you can’t have it i’m a total mess if i wore those frills the ones that thrill i may have to silently sneak in and kill a slice of your arm then right for the toe you’d drain while i tried to finally show that not even a death will provide the answer to springtime blooming with flus and cancer 

leave july alone it’s frustrated by last year and if we mention this way again 

i’ll never forget that you let me in, this is how i repay you. 

you’re going to eat your bagel and go for a walk i wish i could say those words again

they’d be left hollow and bouncing from limited walls the shadows are gone and all that’s left is a mall in this town where heartbeats throbbed with delight i made up your last fear and now you have sight you’re welcome for opening such a situated wonder if the bells rang louder you might make a decision to get up and let the yellow hatred enter your pea sized brain making fun of some is like watering the rain 

#2

don’t touch

the signs didn’t need to be there

no one really was going to put their hands 

on something so planned

it was his alone

so they stared in awe and wonder curious if it would happen

then

a shift in the way they saw his soul as vibrations were felt down every hall transporting from red to yellow green the white it all made sense now the last transport flight we thought

then it undressed before us

#3

jump

let the lake’s motions move you sideways

glancing up

your family is straight ahead

lay back

bobbing, corners of your mouth slightly filling a quick spit tilt your head back arms suspended legs lowered 

flip over 

they’re fifty yards further 

the faces changed time to yourself 

switching perspectives relatives are relative as we shape the size of our eyes and see 

put yourself in a position to positively effect the people around you while pouring yourself a glass of well defined ego with a side of hero 

‘i’m pretty fantastic’ is all the gloating you can do while pretending to get down off that pedestal that we all play with in our mind. i lost confidence thinking too much of your perception, so i went to the store and bought some cheetos, a six pack of mountain dew (nothing fancy, the regular type) and beef jerky. upon completing the meal that left me grounded i realized it wasn’t anything new the balance between the minds desire and the true a wish that somehow you could see through a night stopping examination of how we connect in this plane of ornate palace claims that claim the life of so many people who just want to be seen. i choked on that desire, coughing, phlegm flying forward forcing my stomach on the floor in front of you. we stared completely amused. i got the towel. you got me water. thanks. 

well my bags are packed and boxes and bins not peter or paul we’re in this together i never stood at mary’s door yet she still is my favorite idol proving it when i stole a statue from quiet church steps carrying her from dorms and cross country treks it’s the four of us now a square to be sure resting our corners on one another’s stare and quiet now hush will you see that we’re somehow connected to that room.