family

from the porch, basking in shadows cast

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

defend the case for always being a bridesmaid

i never have to choose

the dress or shoes

waiting for the next to drop where a microphone sat after being spat into with slurred words offering a burnt piece of bread smothered in butter

i could have done better

that’s why i’m the one raising a glass

i stand and smile, while others turn around to face the face wearing a crown before being covered in enough food to feed the famine across dark and polluted oceans

where am i going with this?

standing behind while the hand kissed becomes a fist losing site of the target aimed for in this accolades fight

it’s all of ours

that platter

let’s fill it and tare apart home cooked batter, pulling from what we kneaded to make our lives real

this connection

a purpose selection

recognizing roles

aren’t reversed

from the porch, you can’t continue to decide

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

“look at the spiral

face aglow in defining malleable elements to create the essence of this space ride we’re all on

children”

you always seemed to drift away when i was lost replaying the conversations of a day that spun my mind wondering if i was okay

or, the one who missed something

i wrestle with trusting myself

when pictures of realities painted and placed in front of me are science fiction examinations

the human condition

yet their beliefs of what is occurring simultaneously with the rhythm i walk in while humming a tune of humanity with all i encounter

doesn’t match mine

did i miss something?

was the sky red while rain fell, washing seeds of sin from loose soil into a sea that held the toil of so many men, and women, to be sure, witnessing their planting of hope join a body of water stagnant with despair

did i miss something?

were conversations, honest exchanges, nothing more than rearranges of designs you wanted others to distinguish when interpretation should have reigned

did i miss something?

did you hear anything?

i was well aware

it was you caught in an insecure stare drawing up your plans for what you wanted to perceive

preconceived

pre-determined

i didn’t miss a thing

you lost track of me.

from a couch, below the knee

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

stationary bias

i can’t lift a brow of forgiveness anymore

our book tumbles

pages mixed together

it’s your turn

lift a leg and kick, wiggle your toes

drift apart

i’ll stick to the one memory that didn’t make me nauseous

cautious

contained in a box, wrapped and unwanted

i sat under trees as a kid

your selfish ways made me lift the lid and rid the world of desires that hid on shelves

presence you never gave me

dates never came

we didn’t believe

he came to reclaim

i’d rather forget my last name

than feel the shame that came when the finger of blame was pointed at me

from the porch, quietly rush by

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

remember you were the one who would stay

at least

you said you’d never leave as i tugged at my sleeve and tightened the noose while pain rushed in a momentary lapse of loose appendage drop feelings

my eyes blur into the only bliss i’ll realize

together

with the room

carpet catching leftover transformers relaxing in an easy chairs hard enough to ward off stares

you looked the other way

from the porch, the best medicine

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

laugh at the current state of affairs

remember it’s not yours or theirs

it’s the ones who place a comma at the end of a sentence, continuing the conversation with a pause

reflect

genuflect before the giant who is eating your lunch while you ponder the fact that he may be hungry

fuck empathy

i’m tired of your perspective and can’t afford another seat at this table where we pretend every opinion has a place

get the fuck up

hurry

and leave

or i should

yet, this is my problem

being polite

you don’t deserve me holding the door

i can’t say ‘bless you’

allowing you to utter a word compromises every bit of integrity i act like matters while we spin antique platters alone in a room, grabbing myself while i imagine my slaves bowing to the genius that was lucky enough to be spat out in a place and time that caters to my appearance

i can’t chuckle

embarrassment is meant to shy away from

not lean into

a fire

waiting to lick our faces with the flames

of ignorance

from bed, discontented yawning

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

cramped sides and quarters

led to denial and costly borders

sand and mountains weren’t enough

to keep you out of this spacial game where the goal is to gather stuff and stuff it in stuff until there is no more stuff and you climb inside the hole we prepared when love was lost and you just stared up the aisles and down my throat waiting to choke the friends we poke when we want to think we’re being cute

i couldn’t care anymore about the friendships that bore a lost hope life listless and with a whore

its close and threatening our ground game

i marched towards your house

turned around and realized there wasn’t enough room

the desert should have the answers

three friends and days will watch me

find something new to complain about

and be hung for

from my grandpa’s bed, we crawled through the night

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

capture the critters that crawl through the night

wrap your head in emotions that help guide us through the flight of fleeting thoughts that create a sight

the only thing left to do is fight

fight for one another

against the other

who write off our reactions to a dead relationship with my brother

he was your keeper before we trapped him and i never expected him to stay in his desk

it was too small

school house walls were confining

learning defined, how wrong his nurtured soul was raised

we tried to be nice

throwing rice as you walked by in sunday’s best

we knew the rest of the story would lead to a fall from glory

the second story

where i looked out and contemplated the impact of impulsive decisions

i backed away

turned the page

decided it was better not to engage

with the spindly spiders catching everything we forgot to chase

from the floor, behind the lines of rage

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

i swam through the pulsating plasma and made a final squish through the portal

*ballllooooop*

i adjusted my eyes and mustered the courage to stand under the weight of change

slightly erect

my hands sloshed glops of transition goop from the corners of every face orifice and crevice

my breaths were steady

everything that waddled before was unable to come, all the after dinner sins had to stay stationary

where i left them

this is my first trip

letting go

then, how can i still conjure the image of being destroyed by her tongue?

i was right

it was the last rung

that held me at the top while i reconciled with anger, and decided to move on forgiving insecurity

here

a place

i move more freely as the gel heats up, hardens, and falls away

sprinting to prove my transformation

i stop

sit

and realize it’s all for me

these byways and highways to new sensations and surroundings are what bring us in sight

of one another

to creature crawl on

so we can start new

from bed, goodbye

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

i rattled off a ridiculous amount of rounds because your accusations were so verbose

not everyone who fucks with you is a bully

not every argument means you don’t agree fully

words have impact power and design and i must remind you to define that hyperbole that just slipped from your behind and in front of judging eyes getting to know me as they clear the first decade of lies

making their own assumptions

your frost bit gumption

may leave them questioning this diseased tree into their thirties when we can give them the name of the therapist that fucked you up by nodding and feeding your ego

here we go

let go

i’m not letting up the top of my cup is brushed off with kombucha bubbles cause of past troubles when my confidence lingered in the background of a stumbling 40 ounce eyed smiling guy fulfilling your dreams

you said he was getting old

so i skedaddled and fold now you want the charlie to unload another daring dance juggling knives and lives with disregard for those eyes

you can’t reel back the strength shown in tones when you flexed

i’m too fucking honest

what’s next

bleeding before people who cry “crazy” cause they can’t fathom unleashing their inhibitions without liquid and fire

i’m alone

you rinsed your mouth with his desire

can’t flip through the mire it’s your chance to retire that sad sung old song you string along when you don’t belong and need me to fall in line

i don’t believe it anymore

the beat’s a whore

i’m tipped and coming full boar

make you decide tonight if i sleep on the floor

i got a blanket

i can find the door

from bed, i miss your light

Posted on by andrewsmeyer

it’s not the skipping of rocks gliding and plopping into a lake too cold to swim in that brought me here

shivering in a vest i never wear

it’s yours

it’s not the drive through green thistle conifers hugging our travels that brought me here

gazing out the window past emotions filling the glove box

those are yours

it’s not the musty poof from the couch i drop on, sitting in a unlit room waiting for you to bring in our bags that brought me here

that’s your job

it’s not the shifting in a twin bed, creaking as i stir, wanting to spoon out the cure that brought me here

those nights are rehearsed

it’s not the sandwich lunches, served dinners, or bacon and eggs that brought me here

i usually eat alone

it’s not the late nights sitting with flames losing myself in sparks dancing on stick tip games that brought me here

you stoked the fire

it’s not you

grade school, high school too, claims

it’s me

i wanted to discuss my attire, shift in the seat, lie on your love seat, roll on our mattress, wake and sustain life to see you glow across the cylindrical container where humans first realized

everything is illuminated