compare

contrast

dare

give me the test

sunshine stains on the window sill reminded me

what is now fades

unless we pull the shades

a private good night spoken before i role and clutch my pillow

eventually opening my eyes to everything else but you

surprise to tell

it’s nothing new

lying next to me

i can hear, see, and smell the memory

living

we run to the sidelines panting and heaving every misgiving a syndrome worth relieving to relish in relativity

light coming down from this time

we squeezed every drop and forgot to taste the satisfaction fixed on a grandmothers face try to find a request that doesn’t involve delivering some thought of catching contraband born humans picked up in furniture stained houses sipping capri sun and downing doritos when widows watched predawn news with hope of making it to the mid day blues of soap opera clashes and drama flashes just open the windows and look outside clyde is leaving fran’s house and they aren’t friends unless without her blouse i see that as i hide in a corner feeding with a mouse-foreigner squabbling for cheese to please the me’s that i forget to be when dolly madison licked her finger and put a new spin on dessert from plastic unwrap and go back to basics i need a new fix to fund my figurine collection that sits in a panting shelf waiting for you to remember me at christmas where my list is deserted by the pressing need to make sure you’re happy and i have greed

speed up time and get out of this situation trapped by elation i want to be sad again fueling my rages and art kept in cages for this part where happiness actually exists and i pine for kicking stones alone catching the eyes of a girl on a phone who notices i can’t continue on wishing for the day a paper mache donkey gets smacked around and rains candy all over those gorgeous mop headed dolts pretending this tradition belongs to them then sitting in your den waiting for warm meat and dancing clowns to create a version of popping sounds that can’t be traced to ancestral roots flutes playing bach was boring and i need to cut my toe nails

thought about you this morning

the words left me so i kept pouring over the page in utter nonsense

the chakra demons came for Amiee’s ashes yesterday

she could never get high enough when you were around figuring she’d bloom later when temptation walked in and her flower devoured sin

is there a place i can go?

don’t keep “baby, i don’t know oh, oh oh,” me

you preach to the hurting with that stubborn face and dive once more as he’s chosen your space through magnolia wind and forget-me-nots

give to me

this is the heel theme for you a darkened american dream where days come down for nyc girls panting in rain soaked shoes

it’s really just a message to myself

i crossed bridges to remember late last december having ontological intercourse with Talisa

left to feel your best

alone

knowing

you didn’t really do that

this is all temporary

that’s why we must press on with immediacy

not running around fleet of foot, but with ideas that propel us from the inevitable soot of life’s end and the beginning of memories wedged deep in the recesses of minds that still travel in a temporal world of light and grass a moment that flashed before their eyes developing a sense of wonder and cries, tears that adjust to emotions of pain and lust, loss and a blush.

songs that provide background passages to trigger situations traveling through time unwinding and winding and unwinding and winding, ebb and flow, darkness and that glow. the hum of magnetic ties of energy pools that synthesize our past and present, reaching for moments when we will present as a whole beating heart withdrawing an individuals part for this act is nothing more than every act all destroying the concept that we are under attack from false idols and plain dwellers who hide out in bank cellars wishing and waiting to take what was theirs as they climb the stairs to a world that won’t exist when the creatures from above start to resist every bastardizing mockery we made of their belonging.

we never wanted them.

it was, and continues to be, a fake figment, an illumination casting shadows in shapes of delusion hoping to light our way home. A home we ran from since understanding it wouldn’t be in the space travel excitement that cradles the churning pleas of a sea where we finally rest and cease to be.

it’s me.

she called out to me

i waited for the second time

before muffling an ‘in here’

‘where?’

i was panting, curled in a ball, still in the dark

‘here’

i heard a muffled ‘damnit’ as she rushed by again. we played this game every weekend. i was certain she was smiling with the call and response escapade that ended in a ‘oh, you’.

‘hey’ it had been longer than usual ‘are you there? Becky?’

there was nothing

should i come out?

this wasn’t how we did things

‘hello?’

i stuffed my insecurities inside, breathed deep and sighed. pushing tears away knowing i trust you.

i get caught up watching you

it’s the habit you have of using everything i say and taking advantage of how that plays out in front of those you wish to impress

i stand by

it’s like a mirror yet you make it quite clear with your confidence and background information understanding the space station that landed in front of my face today

it was gray

interludes of melodies passing by in fantasies made for another time when my jeans were baggy and your heart sat near pounding in fear that i was the one who you would become

now we’re there

constantly pinching everyone i meet and pulling at the minuscule meat of what i’ll chew and move along with

thanks

that’s what i am

pieces

falling

when i die

you will all gather

(maybe not together, in the same room. unless your eyes are wide and you can consume the concept of infinity)

look around

i’m the amalgamation of all those faces i found

a broader view

so many races i lost in hopes of becoming nothing as you all used me

it worked

i handed myself out to death

spreading so thin

and you

i gave my last breath

inspiration

say hello to the ten thousand me’s

i thank you.

cover your face

hands, scarf, distortion

not really concerned

you laughed and drank

they huddled in side streets waiting for your liquid grin

hoping you’d grown more compassionate over dinner

or did the switch hit lit-up arrogance

walking through the cobbled town

desires to destroy details is how i found the reasons i continue to come around and wash your dirty sheets.

filled with monsters who lurk and creep with punishing stares and dirty feet slish-sloshing through their standard beat when they found us

our legs were criss-crossed

we shot up and left

i would have danced with you that night, awkward humming rising and falling in your ear as i try to steer you through this vacant fear with a twirl there and a dip here you giggled as i tried to compare myself to that guy,

his name

that’s right

Astaire

but beware

they were watching

judging

thinking of a set of ten numbers to assign us

don’t look

it would have been ours

if they wouldn’t have noticed

now

it’s only a memory that never existed

try to catch the conductor as he clears the way for my departure

another place where rest will cease its all that is

a drink for those who couldn’t quiz and questions asked about where to go i left you with a open window breeze blowing in at intervals we notice enough to leave you not embarrassed that you stayed the night in corners of clear cut forests

that i can’t seem to find. i’m lost in leaves with liquid sleeves wishing and wanting

stand there for a few minutes

let it sink in

how are you different now?

did you take the time to watch him?

living in his moment

self centered eyes shut off as he was gliding through costume changes wondering if you knew the exchanges he had with those in his eight hour day and make hay they say on the other side of day the vision of owls brought me to you

trapped in their talons and dropped. rearranged and bed ridden i remember getting to know you: i don’t.

i lost myself and thought it was you pressuring me to become like the few who slither away with broken leg ideas hobbling on weakness you continue to persist,

wedding dresses missed

ripped magazine fantasies fall to the floor

frames that bore my insecurities

does it surprise you that i rise in the day and tremble to sleep?

she took a piece, ate it, and with ho-hum eyes begged to be released.