from bed, dangling before you

knots tie themselves with the rope i swallowed

eating it seemed a better option

a limp lasso left resting in your hands would have given us a chance, we could’ve summons two strangers to swing our string in elliptical patterns while we jump in tandem heart beats

who’ll trip first?

when one goes

so does the other

we’re no different

sell me another story

one without glory

a riveting wrangling of words written to loosen the stitches holding me together

oozing sinewy strands i pick up

three hitches, better than a hangman’s

tether it to something

don’t leave me dangling with this doubt

i love you

from a porch, rain brought your memory

frail fingers fondled my daughter’s mop head prior to falling limp and lifeless hanging over hospital rails

passing on

releasing the touch of generations before, a push for resolute goals we shared in times of triumph when flags were raised

i can remember the way you tried to make me feel famous with homemade videos and designer jeans i couldn’t squeeze into, sugar and butter combinations continually streamed through your home

a mint rolling in your mouth, as drool slid down a double rolled chin, whiskers catching sunlight, i questioned your sin

was it leaving grandpa?

now, you’ve left us

not a single choice, yet you chose to live that way, running scared and strong, defensive with a will to belong

she’ll remember that touch

the stories i recreate

you’ve become the myth you always sought

from bed, let me sit

that moment was mine

you guided guilt to the sweet spot of time by myself, i rarely seek

it slipped out

comments spinning spells i cast when tragedy was traded for your personal gain

not sure what you got

i caught a train with a ticket i bought years ago

they honored my intentions

even though paper had expired

i hopped off at the first stop and crossed tracks still humming

the tune straddled my synapses

i sat under the turkey claw shade of a cherry tree in fall

alone

from a porch, you were going to hold me accountable

lollipop licking

contemplating your last statement while gazing out over breeze-blown tall grass, tempting the less cynical side of my spirit while sugary spit clumped in my throat, swallowing the artificial sweet side of life proved difficult

i kept sucking

i held back a cough, sure to be misinterpreted if it penetrated the atmosphere and confused the steady stream air

you don’t remember what you said?

the whisper that stripped me of everything i dreamt we had, only days earlier when i swayed in a string tied hammock we bought on vacation

you thought i was sleeping

your whispers found a way through the breeze

sentiments of regret were swept into my ears

i waited

for you to say more

instead

your hushed sigh echoed through my resting mind, changing letters in sequence and design to form your final

goodbye

so long

i opened my eyes to the sound of music song echoing playfully in my mind, easing the reality of moving on

under my cap brim shading the sun

a smile danced through my eyes

and quickly curled my lips, finally releasing

i can breathe again

from a bed, dried on the vine

shelter our young ones from the onslaught of instincts gone awry

hide them under covers, let them clutch fabric with tight paw grip, peaking out, waiting for us to leave, staying still when we, invariably, come back in

they wait

for us to forget

we’re the ones who tucked them in

when will they know the coast is clear

that presents are under the tree

and it’s safe to come out

feigned surprise guilt faces as they tumble down the staircase that erases the fears we fostered to maintain control

unwrapping hopes

they resort to tropes

left behind

codes to define

generation connections

crossing the line

we left no pictures

traces of our devastation

it lives behind their eyes

never mixing in their words

as they rewrite a past

better forgotten

from a couch, incomplete emotions

even your forgotten emotions let out a sigh when i walked out of the door

i was thirty-seven, you had suffered an immeasurable reflection for too long

i had her gestures, a face that resembled yours, it was something you couldn’t get over, accidents not averted, following time, we couldn’t pay attention to the mime

hidden hands waving away destiny

what was left?

i played no part

in the memories that made you weep, a seventy year old child, a father unfolding fears and unfound fates unwound and delivered to his six year old babies face

suffering lines trying to hide tears, careening cracks the years spent forcing onto my mask

you left me retracing every morning i asked permission, accept me

your demons given to me

progenies job to slaughter a history, that i never helped design

doubts i didn’t define

those are yours

i’m not there

you chased me out years ago

from a couch, detained by doubtful words

sentiments were left blowing through the streets, strung along by a tongue tied wind, encouraged by the black-out rage of those never looking within, or back, always forward, dead-aim attack

impermanence

words never meant to linger in nibbled on lovers ears or bask in the glow of a child’s terse tears, said and sung away softly, drifting down pallid people paths where sullen dreams dry up, fall off, and catch the swirling cycle of platitudes puked into the air, so we can say we did something

they caught fire, in grey matter caverns

destroying rehearsed dance step memories

forcing us

to say something new