from a chair, picked for me?

the chakra demons came for Amiee’s ashes yesterday

she could never get high enough when you were around figuring she’d bloom later when temptation walked in and her flower devoured sin

is there a place i can go?

don’t keep “baby, i don’t know oh, oh oh,” me

you preach to the hurting with that stubborn face and dive once more as he’s chosen your space through magnolia wind and forget-me-nots

give to me

this is the heel theme for you a darkened american dream where days come down for nyc girls panting in rain soaked shoes

it’s really just a message to myself

i crossed bridges to remember late last december having ontological intercourse with Talisa

left to feel your best

alone

knowing

you didn’t really do that

from bed, dear edie, the streets are wet

this is all temporary

that’s why we must press on with immediacy

not running around fleet of foot, but with ideas that propel us from the inevitable soot of life’s end and the beginning of memories wedged deep in the recesses of minds that still travel in a temporal world of light and grass a moment that flashed before their eyes developing a sense of wonder and cries, tears that adjust to emotions of pain and lust, loss and a blush.

songs that provide background passages to trigger situations traveling through time unwinding and winding and unwinding and winding, ebb and flow, darkness and that glow. the hum of magnetic ties of energy pools that synthesize our past and present, reaching for moments when we will present as a whole beating heart withdrawing an individuals part for this act is nothing more than every act all destroying the concept that we are under attack from false idols and plain dwellers who hide out in bank cellars wishing and waiting to take what was theirs as they climb the stairs to a world that won’t exist when the creatures from above start to resist every bastardizing mockery we made of their belonging.

we never wanted them.

it was, and continues to be, a fake figment, an illumination casting shadows in shapes of delusion hoping to light our way home. A home we ran from since understanding it wouldn’t be in the space travel excitement that cradles the churning pleas of a sea where we finally rest and cease to be.

it’s me.

from bed, start to something

she called out to me

i waited for the second time

before muffling an ‘in here’

‘where?’

i was panting, curled in a ball, still in the dark

‘here’

i heard a muffled ‘damnit’ as she rushed by again. we played this game every weekend. i was certain she was smiling with the call and response escapade that ended in a ‘oh, you’.

‘hey’ it had been longer than usual ‘are you there? Becky?’

there was nothing

should i come out?

this wasn’t how we did things

‘hello?’

i stuffed my insecurities inside, breathed deep and sighed. pushing tears away knowing i trust you.

from bed, pieces of the whole. visions

i get caught up watching you

it’s the habit you have of using everything i say and taking advantage of how that plays out in front of those you wish to impress

i stand by

it’s like a mirror yet you make it quite clear with your confidence and background information understanding the space station that landed in front of my face today

it was gray

interludes of melodies passing by in fantasies made for another time when my jeans were baggy and your heart sat near pounding in fear that i was the one who you would become

now we’re there

constantly pinching everyone i meet and pulling at the minuscule meat of what i’ll chew and move along with

thanks

that’s what i am

pieces

falling

when i die

you will all gather

(maybe not together, in the same room. unless your eyes are wide and you can consume the concept of infinity)

look around

i’m the amalgamation of all those faces i found

a broader view

so many races i lost in hopes of becoming nothing as you all used me

it worked

i handed myself out to death

spreading so thin

and you

i gave my last breath

inspiration

say hello to the ten thousand me’s

i thank you.

from bed, change

cover your face

hands, scarf, distortion

not really concerned

you laughed and drank

they huddled in side streets waiting for your liquid grin

hoping you’d grown more compassionate over dinner

or did the switch hit lit-up arrogance

walking through the cobbled town

desires to destroy details is how i found the reasons i continue to come around and wash your dirty sheets.

filled with monsters who lurk and creep with punishing stares and dirty feet slish-sloshing through their standard beat when they found us

our legs were criss-crossed

we shot up and left

i would have danced with you that night, awkward humming rising and falling in your ear as i try to steer you through this vacant fear with a twirl there and a dip here you giggled as i tried to compare myself to that guy,

his name

that’s right

Astaire

but beware

they were watching

judging

thinking of a set of ten numbers to assign us

don’t look

it would have been ours

if they wouldn’t have noticed

now

it’s only a memory that never existed

from bed, i want to play with this one

i forget

how wide do you cast that net?

is something lost in the width

a myth

dilution of relationships

the ones we claim with a first or last name junior status and the patriarch game is comfortable, traditional and somewhat unconditional.

where do we go when we can choose everything?

you want that, right?

the ability to choose

are you scared you’d lose the tethering of strings a single mass of balloons, thirty or forty each, helium filled, carrying up individuals into the night sky taking turns who gets to ride on by

we couldn’t possibly come together

who would be lifting and recognizing from above

the specks we laugh at perspective gained a person to blame for their reign and i couldn’t possibly remember all your names unless it’s mine

drones walking

careful what you wish for

we are all in this together, but not how you want

there is no common goal

save that for falling off a bridge.

hate me

question and cause a disturbance knuckles in my face causes growth and believe it or not that’s for all of us.

benefit a few at a time

over the wall humans are confined and kneeling down for an unwanted god just give me your time and help me plod i can’t soar that’s bullshit and more

look for what’s more

utopian drunk visions blur our ability to realize we’re at sea drinking salt a bit less buoyant i can’t hold three hundred million or six billion hands and hearts. i got fifty, maybe five, you read three hundred but they’re just taking pictures back to their hole

with their five

doing their thing to stop being alive. the answer, it’s drifting. stop thinking we’re all anything. we’re all everything realizing, collecting in groups benefits the whole. which i dug myself one, but these gatherings are not defined by race or religion. those don’t exist either. i mean, you made them up cause you were afraid to gather with the thirty who were around. lost and found. fight fucker, fight and love. you’ll hoover. you’ll meet the same disastrous light. careful now, it’s got only two generic D batteries to last through the night.

from a couch, W

try to catch the conductor as he clears the way for my departure

another place where rest will cease its all that is

a drink for those who couldn’t quiz and questions asked about where to go i left you with a open window breeze blowing in at intervals we notice enough to leave you not embarrassed that you stayed the night in corners of clear cut forests

that i can’t seem to find. i’m lost in leaves with liquid sleeves wishing and wanting