from bed, still – like not moving

i thought about you while my eyes were fixed and wide watching the falling snow on a morning meant for shooting out of bed in a panic. i sat still switching my focus to the backdrop purple sky jogging a mental mile in my mind wishing i could stop the tape and rewind, one more time, to hear your voice when you called me friend and i rode shot gun, knowing you’d always get us home.

that’s gone.

you’re gone.

guest speakers dance in front of me, the holy three, a trinity, meaning nothing as i flee from having to envision the look on your face when you saw the end.

the snow keeps falling

the sky is changing

i’m taking another lap

this time running faster in hopes i avoid the regret of not stopping you

how?

i couldn’t even scare myself into believing what we said on recon missions to gas station grills was true.

the moments few when we bled through both waiting for the other to get lost so we had an explanation for why we were found

we could blame someone else for freedom

i can’t tell if it’s still snowing

i can’t remember your last name

it’s time to get up now

i’ll visit again

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