from bed, watching the leaves

sickle cell insecurity there’s nothing left for you to see 

every image naturally displayed has been painted, written, or somehow conveyed. 
let’s climb inside the last twenty four hour slide rising to find that i can’t confide in anyone 

the torture thoughts alone 

it’s why i listen to music and moan 

to drowned out the hum of ‘i’m doing okay’ while ruminating on five minute chunks of my day i was getting water while mindlessly speaking did i leak that consideration that i might be peaking into painful exchanges the dark hallow spaces of passionate paces my mind races clinging to find phrases that won’t make you uncomfortable it’s not you i want, 

i already have 

nothing

it’s an agreement we made to always try because we share a similar, wrong, an opposite manner to reach the floor and suspend the door for kids no more are reading my heart in panic rhythms seeing the flesh it’s the frantic systems that left them alone in this room with me who trusts that i can help the plea-shout of ‘get out’ and leave before the clouds come to say that black is your enemy and fright is a trend in need of this thing that enters my thoughts i desperately tamp using daylight lamps and light it up and let it out by myself alone this doubt that i belong waking amongst you with these easily read emotions cut forth and laid out potions of somewhat caustic grout, my seams need filling or you’ll witness a crash either covered in white powder or red blades time fades let’s get back together before they know the undertow and gravity of these trembling tragedies i give them names and sort them while glazed discussing the weather in this relationship maze let me go it’s not fair. bullshit it’s despair learn to repair the scenes that played out when you had no choice 

that’s easy enough 

to figure eight fly that kite and wish you may wish you might there’s no fucking stars falling for you it’s packing it up and dropping off never look back. yah, it sucks that i died away so quick that we can’t relate or i’ll crumble. know my head nod and muffled mumble is me saying i understand. 

you can’t know. 

how surprised you may be if you knew how vain and important and right and perfect i am while i consider slashing apart everything within from frustration working to find a balance of how to convey this. 

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